Things they will never tell you about anxiety and abuse
The best part of having to battle a multitude of things is the essence of wanting to move forward. I would know. I have done that all my life.
But, here is the fun fact about someone who is trapped in their head. They will always be told they are insane, but nobody will try to mold their imperfections. People will want the best venison of you without contributing to it at all.
Now all if this comes with the crippling fear of losing that exact composition that you have worked so hard to build. Even, if you were three, you knew what happened was wrong. You realized at fourteen, but your innocence is already gone. Dragging your flesh around hoping that nobody tilts that accurately calculated balance of yours.
But, here is how I chose to deal with my vices. I am learning to be okay with my imperfections. Yes, I am a woman and I am imperfect. In every sense of it. Battling every day to understand insanity and what abuse does to people. I have been nurturing insanity as the balance of the world.
The shaky feeling, the permanent state of diarrhea and let’s not start at the abandonment and heartbreaks. yet, you know what makes it all worthwhile? That shear hope, that maybe, just maybe I will finally breathe in my true skin. My flaws will not define me. But, maybe my heart will.
People will give up on people like us. They will abandon us at our very worst. Then pretend to be the reason why I stood back up. They will tell us we are not important. Our hearts are not important, and our trials are insignificant.
Maybe some of us will give up, and some of us won’t. But, I know that I am not alone in this trial and battle against abuse and anxiety and depression. I know, that there are people like me who feel misunderstood, judged and most importantly lead on to feel like we deserve human empathy.
This article is not about ranting against people who are selfish about people who battle mental health. It is an outcry, a shout out at every woman, every man who may be reading this and thinks; ‘ Hey! I have been there’.
My trials with anxiety have led me to resort to horrible places and horrible thoughts. But, to me, I would befriend my demons rather than pretending they are not there. Because they are. Nobody will see the heart I have nurtured. But, they will see the trials I have passed.
People will tell you to forget what happened. But, how can I, because that three-year-old girl in me wants answers. Every day. People will tell you to throw your anxiety out, but how can I when it’s part of me and all I can do is learn to curb it.
People will tell you all kinds of things. But, I guess that’s just people.